Tuesday, March 13, 2007

my boat is rocking

There are several pregnant gals at church, as usual; many of which are close friends. Anytime I hear of a new pregnancy the waves threaten to tip my boat over for good. The crest of the wave is the celebration; I couldn't be happier for the miracle of life, especially in those I love. But the bottom of the wave is Satan reminding me that, once again, it's not me that's pregnant. I recently heard of another pregnancy that rocked the boat big time.

My close friend and I went through the infertility battle and studied the 7 barren women of the Bible together. She adopted her beautiful daughter almost 2 years prior to our adopting Madison. She was blessed to go on to become pregnant while her daughter was only months old. When Tuck and I adopted Madison, everyone said: "oh, you know what will happen now...." which of course, didn't happen.

Recently I became friends with a new gal at church who was in the middle of the infertility ride. She and her husband decided last year to go the adoption route and adopted their beautiful daughter in November. This same friend is now 8-9 weeks pregnant. Please understand that I am truly and sincerely thrilled for my friend. In fact, in a lot of ways her pregnancy is easier to hear about than others because I KNOW her heart. I've lived there.

But her pregnancy also makes me want to scream: Okay, God, why do I get to hear a zillion stories of adoptive parents who've gotten pregnant -- and witnessed it in two good friends -- and yet this miracle eludes me? Do you remember, God, that all 7 of the barren women in the Bible were ultimately blessed with pregnancies? What am I doing WRONG?!

Then my boat gently sways the other way... and I am reminded by a little brown-headed angel what I am doing RIGHT. I am being Mom to the daughter that God has given me. How could I possibly ask for more?


Sarah Williams said...

You are amazing, Daneen. I love reading your story. Your perspective is really refreshing.....that you completely trust God but at the same time are honest with your feelings.

Marie said...

As in the words of an old hymm, Trust and obey for there is no other way...I have to say that I am anxious to see what God has in store for you. I know that right now it's difficult and know that if you ever need to just get some coffee and vent, I'm here and I'll slap you back into reality after I give you ample opportunity to have a well deserved pity party. I love you and know that something is working or should I say some one!

Peace Out

Michele said...

Ok - kinda corny... but kinda true too... saw this on a church sign (don't you just love those sometimes?)...

"Thank you for this storm Lord, for I'm learning to sail my ship"

And you know, it is true. We wouldn't know how to sail very well if it weren't for the storms.

Keep on sailing...and learning for calmer waters are on the horizon.

Anonymous said...

D- your honesty is refreshing. You have been so strong and perservered. Some day you'll know "why", heck..I want to know why too! It just doesn't make sense...but then....so much doesn't make sense these days.

Thank you for being real.


Daneen said...

Did you all read my post on friendships? These comments and others in my posts are some of the gals to whom I was referring.

Now you know why I haven't gone over the edge a long time ago. I love you, my friends. d